dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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