what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
