made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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