My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
