For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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