he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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