I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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