how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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