A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
