evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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