can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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