you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's not a walk of shame if you run
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
