So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week