Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better