I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!