OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
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At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.