How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
