look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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