Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.

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(831): View more from California

tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better

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(239): View more from Florida

Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"

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(559): View more from California

She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude

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(303): View more from Colorado

I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies

(1-303): View more from Colorado

You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?

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(415): View more from California

There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.

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(831): View more from California

Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.

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(813): View more from Florida

Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.

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