My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
