Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
