guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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