Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
