We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
