just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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