she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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