I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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