I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
