All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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