I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
ttyl tear gas
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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