I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
