She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
