just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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