EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
