you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
