What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My pussy is not your playground.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
