You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize