I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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