Pappa wants mamma naked
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
