Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize