i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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