she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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