Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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