shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
