I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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