If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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