k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
