I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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