apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
