It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
