Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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