this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
