I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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