no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She bit a glass in half.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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