If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
