just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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