There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
