Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
