Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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