Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
