I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
