trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
