we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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