i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
