come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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