If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
