Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
