So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
