Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
