I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
